Maybe the first time at my regular bar without meeting someone. Kind of nice, I need a break from all the confusion. Had sex with Brian for the first time last night. Kind of a small dick, but hey, I came twice. Well, the first time from oral, but still. With the sex, he happened to get in the right spot between my thighs, and then did that swirly thing inside me – that does it every time. Decent kisser, nice body. Not crazy about him or anything, though. Seems like a nice guy, but I’m just not feeling that spark. So elusive, that chemistry. And completely illogical. Case in point: I still miss Jacob. Too skinny, never had an orgasm with, hasn’t called me, Jacob. I miss just talking to him, he was so cool and interesting. Question: Is it better to have hot, dirty, passionate sex without an orgasm, than perfectly pleasant and enjoyable – but not hot and dirty – sex with one? I know it seems crazy, but I seem to be leaning toward the former these days. Maybe just because that’s what I was missing during my last relationship. And pretty much my whole life. What I liked with Jacob was the fact that HE seemed so into it. He always seemed on the verge of completely losing control, and I felt so fucking hot. And I knew I got FUCKED. I used to not be into that, but something has changed.