Am I A Slut?

If the definition of a slut is “female who likes to have sex with lots of different men,” then yes I suppose I am one. I haven’t been accused of it or anything, the thought just occurred to me after my latest hookup.  The thing is, it doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything out of the ordinary, but the numbers are admittedly getting up there. It’s just fun, what can I say? Why should I even have to worry about it?
Anyway, Friday night I took myself out to bar WS. Strangely, there were actually a lot of cute guys there – I have to remember the name of the band that played so I can see if the same crowd of hotties shows up at all their shows. There was a guy talking with a friend and a couple of girls on the smoking patio who was just my type – very cute nerd. A little skinny, clean cut features, short thick hair, big black glasses. Sigh. For a second I thought he noticed me too, but then he started talking to one of the girls, this Asian chick.
I went back inside, many of the hotties were gone. Damn. Went to smoke again a little while later, the friend starting talking to me. (This is one reason I keep smoking. Stupid, I know.) He told me his name was Jesse, and made me guess his age, which turned out to be 26. God I’m old.
So after a while I ended up sitting at a table close to the dance floor. Gorgeous and Jesse had been dancing with the two girls, and then gorgeous went to get a beer. I motioned Jesse (who is also really cute) over and said, “I know this is really juvenile, but I think your friend is fucking gorgeous.” He said, “The guy with the glasses?!” Yep. He said he’d let him know. Turns out he was talking to Asian chick because “she expressed an interest.” Sometimes it’s too easy to be a female.
So sure enough, gorgeous came right over to talk to me. His name is Josh. Not the most scintillating conversationalist, but soooo cute. Jesse ended up having an afterparty at his place, so we were there for a while. Josh and I finally left at like 4 in the morning (!) and went back to his place. OK this is weird – his apartment totally reminded me of Jacob’s (who is also in the cute nerd category): downtown, large, modern, spotless, with a balcony. The similarity kind of freaked me out, actually, like, what is my deal picking these guys?
So after the obligatory chat, we got down to business in the bedroom. Amazing kisser. Average dick. Went down without being asked. Gave me a massage(!!!!) A massage, are you kidding? Most boyfriends don’t even do that. He also did this thing with his hands, where he just sort of barely touched me all over. It felt amazing, like butterfly wings. Either the guy’s just naturally talented, or he has been taught well.
I woke up around 10, got some water, used the bathroom, gathered up my stuff, had a smoke on the balcony. He was either still asleep or playing possum. So when I was ready to leave, I went in and “woke” him up, and told him I was taking off. I asked him how to get back to the parking garage, he told me, I said “thanks,” and that was it.
You know, I’ve always thought it would be much more honest to not do the whole “can I get your number” dance, but I have to say that it felt really strange. I admit I was disappointed that he didn’t seem to be interested – I think that’s where the whole feeling like a slut thing came from. Just when you think you know yourself…
Anyway, I just sent him a little message on FB letting him know I’d had a really great time, complimenting him on his abilities, and to give me a call if he wanted to hang out again. Nothing stalkerish. It’s just that there aren’t that many talented guys out there, so it’s hard to just let one go when you find him. I doubt I’ll hear anything, but at least I opened up the opportunity.

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