Yep, I really am a slut.

Wow. I screwed two more people last week, one of them more than once. Neither one spectacular. You know what’s really fucked up? I still want Jacob. And/or John. The two I met the soonest right after the breakup, and the two whom for whatever fucked up karmic reason I cannot have.

I think I could probably turn this guy Brian into a boyfriend, but I’m not really interested. He keeps going long enough that I come, but it’s the same kind of boring, goal-oriented sex I had with my ex, only this time with a small penis. Other than the sex, it’s ok. He seems like a really super nice guy, but of course (!) I’m not interested. I need sparkle, excitement, chemistry, fun!

I’d rather have no-orgasm but volcanic sex like I had with Jacob. (I can have orgasms all day long on my own, thank you.) The only thing I can think that happened with Jacob is that he met someone else, and that all the bullshit he told me really was bullshit. It’s a painful conclusion, but the only reasonable one. Not that guys are ever reasonable, but I have to have something to hang my hat on.
I actually went to a bar in his neighborhood the other night. Partially because I am always looking for new bars and he had recommended it (I do trust his opinion), and partially because I thought he might be there. Pathetic I know. He wasn’t, and it was totally crowded (I was meeting some people from work) so I went back to my usual spot. I realized I didn’t want  to run into him alone and looking like shit.

On the same night I ran into this guy Jason at my usual bar. I went on a date with him once like a month ago. It was totally boring and…  he didn’t refuse when I offered to pay my half! Then a few nights later I ran into him, and ended up sitting between him and this other guy who started talking to me, who turned out to be Brian, the guy I’ve kinda been seeing lately. Bizarre situation. Jason got pissed, and I hadn’t heard from him since. So I ran into him the other night, and we actually had a pretty fun conversation. I asked him over, and yes, we ended up having sex. It was meh. So that’s Brian (twice) and Jason (once) in the matter of a few days. Maybe I’m a sex addict or something. Nah, I think I’m just craving the attention.

I just don’t think I can be satisfied unless I find someone as fun in bed as Jacob, and that’s a tall order. What the hell am I going to do? Damn him for setting the standard and then dumping me for no good reason!

Nate of the big dick is also apparently out of the picture, and once again I have no idea why. I’ve texted him twice in the last couple of weeks and gotten no response. Frak!

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