Big Dick + No Lube = Freak Out

So I was out tonight with a new potential girl friend, L, and had an interesting evening. We’re just having girl talk and I start talking about this little guy Nate with a big dick, blah blah. We discuss the phenomenon of little nerdy guys with big dicks. Then Nate texts me. Weird. I told him to get his ass over to the bar. Didn’t hear anything for a few minutes.
Then I noticed a guy at the end of the bar who I thought might be Jesse, Josh’s friend. So I went over and was like, “You’re Jesse, right?” He said, Yeah, I thought that might be you, but I wasn’t sure without the glasses. (I was wearing my contacts). I said I was going to smoke, and he said to come back and talk to him. I’m thinking, Reeeally? I’m hoping it’s about Josh. So I go smoke, come back in, and he’s being all like, “What’s up, how are you, yada yada?” So I just cut to the chase – “What do you want to talk to me about?” He finally spits it out that it’s about Josh. Oh? Apparently he and Josh had been talking about me a few days before, and that Josh was all like, “I don’t know if she gave me her number and I lost it, or if I gave her mine, or what’s going on.” I told Jesse that I had messaged Josh on his FB, and that therefore Josh was an idiot. Jesse agreed. He told me that Josh had had two tours of duty in Iraq and one in Afghanistan, and hadn’t been back that long and felt really socially awkward. Jesse said he was happy that Josh and I had met because I seemed cool, but neither of them knew if I was interested. I told him what had happened that morning at Josh’s, that Josh hadn’t asked for my number, and so I had thought, well, I guess that’s it. And that I was very interested. Jesse kind of hemmed and hawed (I swear, men are so verbally constipated), and so I finally said, “Would you like me to give you my number so you can give it to him?’ He said yes, and so I did. We’ll see if anything comes of it.
In this middle of all this, Nate walked in. We ended up coming over here of course, and got right down to business. I started out really wet, but just didn’t stay that way – that tends to happen when condoms are involved. (Nate is a freak about being safe, mostly because he has an accidental kid.) I go to get the lube, and GOD DAMN IT I CAN’T FIND IT! But we keep going, in various positions, and then all of a sudden he pulls out and goes, “Fuck!” I looked down and saw a little drop of cum on the end of his dick. I was still in a sex haze and it didn’t quite compute, so I was like, “Oh, did it break?” He’s like, “yeah, why can’t I find a condom that won’t break? Am I really that big?” I said, “Well, you’re pretty big.” So he’s totally freaking out, I’m trying to reassure him that I’m on the pill, and I’ve never gotten pregnant when I’m on the pill (which is true). I go to the bathroom and when I come out he’s already dressed and ready to go. Geez. Maybe I’m not as freaked out as I should be, but I’m just not. The only time I’ve ever gotten pregnant was when I idiotically decided to go off the pill for a few months and then started having sex with the guy who would end up being my recent ex. We were using other methods like the sponge (we both loathe condoms), but I got pregnant straight away. Once I got back on the pill, I never got pregnant again. Not in 5 years, and we never used condoms. I told Nate that, but he’s still freaked out. Whatever. I just hope I hear from Josh soon. 🙂 See, this is why I go out! If I hadn’t been out (like I shouldn’t be) I would not have seen Jesse and heard that Josh actually WAS interested. Even if nothing comes of it, I’m glad to know he at least gave me a second thought, you know?

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