So last night I got a text from Nate wanting me to come over.  He is persistent, I’ll say that for him. I told him I had just started my period, but he didn’t care, so off I went. Well first I put on makeup and heels and pretty undies. I also had a couple of cocktails and a smoke – I was really nervous. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and the last time I did, things didn’t really go that well. So I got there around 11:30, and he told me I looked great – always gratifying, especially when you’ve put in the effort. We started kissing, and then hung out for a while talking, with frequent make-out breaks. He told me he had bought me some wine, since he remembered that I liked it better than beer. He apologized again about being a jerk the other night, and told me I was a “chill girl.” He said how much he liked hanging out with me – that he was glad we didn’t just immediately go at it. I was like, “But you never want to hang out after…” as that had been a previous bone of contention. He said that by that point he was thinking about how he needed to get up in a few hours to take care of his daughter (she basically stays with him all the time). He said that he’d love to be able to just lie there with me and cuddle. Huh. This was certainly news to me.  He even mentioned some concert and was like, “so if you want to go…” I asked him when it was and he said September. Um, wow, ok. He was, in short, being a real sweetheart.

So after a while we decided to get the show on the road. He went into the bedroom, I went to the bathroom and came out in only sexy bra, black lace panties, and heels. He was like, “Damn, look at you.” So we start making out and fooling around. Now Nate is a pretty good kisser, but one thing he is clueless about is fingering. By now I must have told him a hundred times, “that’s too hard” but he just keeps doing it the same way. So by the time we were ready to get down to it I was feeling a little sore, and asked him if he had some lube. He’s like, “Am I making you dry out?” I said, “You’re not making me, it just happens after a while.” Things went downhill from there. I don’t even remember exactly what happened. I was trying to show him what I wanted, but he would do it for like two seconds and then go back to being his normal aggressive, dominant self. This is exactly what happened the last few times we were together, which is why I had decided not to see him anymore.  I like the fact that he’s dominant, but I want to do my thing too sometimes. So I got upset and was like, “I knew this was a mistake.” He’s like, “You have to tell me what you want,” and I told him I was trying to but that he just wasn’t getting it. He started to get aggravated with me, and so I was like “I’m just going to go.” At first he kept trying to stop me by trying to figure out “what was wrong.” I kept trying to tell him, but it was like we were speaking two different languages. I told him that maybe we just weren’t sexually compatible. The whole thing descended into him telling me that I had a “complex” and was a prude bitch and to just get out.

So I got dressed and was on my way out the door. I was really distressed by the whole thing – I can’t stand it when people are angry with me, even if they’re in the wrong. So I kind of stopped in the door and looked at him, and we ended up going back and forth for few minutes: stay, go stay, go. At one point he started being really rough with me, like grabbing my wrists and pushing me up against the wall. I said, “Stop it! What are you doing?!” He’s like, “Trying to turn you on.” I just stared at him in complete bafflement and was like “Well you’re not, you’re pissing me the fuck off!”

He finally talked me into staying somehow, apologized and hugged me, and we talked some more.  He told me that if he wasn’t doing what I wanted, I needed to be really aggressive about it and slap him around a little bit, that he liked it. I told him I wasn’t sure if I could do that. He sat behind me and started rubbing my back and I told him how much I hated arguing, that no one in my family ever really raised their voices to one another, and I hadn’t ever fought with either of my exes. He said, “How boring.” I suppose, but it’s what I was used to. After a while he was like “I get it now. You just need to be loved. I can love you.” God I nearly started crying, but I assume he meant in a physical sense – to assume anything else is asking for trouble. He explained that he was being rough because that’s how we had started out when we first met and it seemed like I liked it. I said, yes, I did and I do like it, but just not all the time. I told him that it seemed like the only way he could get off was if it was hard and rough, and I wanted him to get off, so that was another reason I hadn’t pushed things the way I wanted as strongly as I could have. He told me that that wasn’t true, that he could do slow and and sensual if that’s what I wanted. I was still debating about whether to stay, and he said he just wanted to lie down and kiss and see where things went, no pressure. I was extremely doubtful about this, but then he offered up a full body massage. Oh reeeeally? Now we’re talking, mister. How could I turn that down?

So I went and laid down on the bed in just my panties, and he gave me a freaking massage, with the oil and everything. He kept telling me how sexy I was and how much he loved touching me. “See, I can be gentle, too.” After a while he curled up behind me and I turned my head and started kissing him. After a few minutes of that I flipped him over on his back and climbed on top of him and kept kissing him. Now I was turned on. I was kind of rubbing myself along his dick, and I wanted him inside so bad. He kept telling me he wanted me to come and I said, “Shut up that’s too much pressure!” Nate is a freak about always wearing a condom, but this one time he almost gave in, he wanted to fuck me so bad. I kept telling him how much I wanted him inside me, and finally he couldn’t take it anymore and put a condom on. So I started riding him, and lord it felt good – I love how big he is.  He kept saying he wanted me to come, so I told him to “keep his goddamn hands on my tits!” I couldn’t come though, damn it, so I just started banging him hard. After a bit of that, he kind of pushed me off, and I said “get on top of me.” He’s like, “I already came.” I was like, “Oh, I couldn’t even tell, I didn’t feel the buildup.” He said it had taken him by surprise too.  He’s like, “so you didn’t come at all?” And I told him no, I didn’t. Then he kept apologizing for coming too soon but I told him not to worry about it.  I can come all day long by myself, which is true.

By this point it was getting light out, so even though we both wanted to cuddle we really couldn’t. I got dressed and was leaving, when all of a sudden he’s like, “I want to fuck you outside.” I said ok – I actually love shit like this. So he put me face-first against the wall outside his apartment and starting taking me from behind. Then we moved to the laundry room with me bent over the washing machine. Then we went inside his apartment and I kneeled on the couch. We moved spots like that a couple times, lol! He kept slipping out, though, so after a while he had me sit on the couch and suck his dick, then he beat off so he could come on my face. Not my favorite act, but whatever. After a lengthy massage, I was inclined to be generous.

After I got cleaned up we were kissing and hugging goodby, and he kept saying, “and you were gonna leave here all pissed off.” Yes, I was, and I’m glad I didn’t.  Maybe I could slap him around. I don’t really know, I’ve never tried anything like that. I’ve never had a relationship like this before – one where we get mad at each other but then make up. Maybe this is an opportunity to try out a different dynamic than I’m used to, without the pressure of a “real” relationship.  I don’t know, though, I REALLY don’t appreciate being called names. I mean, when I say something, it’s because I mean it. So if I say something really mean, it’s because I am truly mad as hell. I have a pretty long fuse, and it is my lifelong habit to hold things in, so this happens extremely rarely. I know that not everyone is like this, but because I am, it hurts me deeply when someone says something that maybe they don’t even really mean. So I don’t know, I’ll have to see what happens here.


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