Porn for Girls

So I usually rub one out every day when I wake up. I’ve always had a hard time fully waking up, so it’s like my little reward to myself for doing so. The other day I decided I wanted a little porn to get me started, so I watched a video on my phone. This video got the job done but was not entirely satisfactory, which is the point of this post: why can’t I find any porn that caters to MY tastes? I know the answer to that question, of course (the vast majority of porn is made by and for men), but it’s still really annoying. There used to be a magazine for women called Sweet Action, which featured dreamy hipster boys with hard-ons. That was the closest I’ve come to good porn, but naturally this little mag did not last long. I’ve looked up “porn for women” but it tends to either be lesbian stuff or what you would more properly term “erotica.”

I am not interested in either of these categories. Some women like to watch two chicks together, but I find it a bore and a turn-off. There is a very wide range of female sexuality, and I am at the “extremely straight” end of the scale. (Given the fact that  most men are assholes, I have often wished I could be a lesbian. Alas, it’s just not in the cards.) I like men, and I like a big hard cock. I’m already soft, why would I want more me-ness? I want my opposite: hardness, strength, drive. I find many women beautiful to look at, but the idea of eating pussy completely grosses me out. So, lesbo porn is out. What about the erotica? Um, bo-ring! I don’t want to watch massages and bubble baths. I want to watch men and women fucking, and I want close-ups of penetration please! Ok, so why can’t I just use the usual hardcore porno? Let’s make a list:

Lesbian scenes

Ugly dudes

Scary looking women, with fake boobs, hair, nails, etc.

Bad lingerie, shoes, lighting, dialog, music, etc.

The guys never make any noise – I’m pretty vocal, and like a guy who is as well, it’s a huge turn-on

The women never get off. Well duh, of course they wouldn’t. With the way they get fucked in these videos, I wouldn’t be able to either.

So what would my ideal porno look like?

Hot guys with big hard dicks. And I don’t mean Playgirl-looking Ken dolls with spray tans, either. I mean truly sexy, not necessarily all buffed up. This preference of course varies from woman to woman, but that’s kind of the point – we need more variety than is currently available. They should also have nice voices and sound intelligent, whether they are or not.The cocks should certainly be substantial, but there IS such a thing as too big.

Attractive but normal-looking women. Once again variety is key – the whole idea is you kind of imagine yourself in the scenario, and that’s impossible with the Barbies-on-steroids blow up dolls that populate most porn. I find myself so distracted by collagen lips and oversize tits that it detracts from the experience.

No Brazilian waxes, on either sex! To me it’s just creepy. The area should definitely be neat and trim, but I want to know I’m watching two adults, not strangely hairless children.

Attractive settings, decent music, etc. Story line doesn’t really matter.

Good lingerie and shoes, not that Frederick’s of Hollywood crap you always see. Once again, it’s distracting.

Now for the action:

Start at the beginning!: kissing that steadily grows more heated, undressing, caressing of breasts, sucking of nipples, etc.

Please include some pussy-licking. Real cunnilungus, not overly acrobatic just for the camera.

Fellatio is good, yes leave that in.

Fucking in various positions, at various speeds.

Spanking is good.

Plenty of good shots of penetration, from various angles.

Actual female orgasms.

Money shots are good, but NOT ON THE FACE! It’s just somehow so degrading.

Two men, one woman threesomes are good.

Basically I want to see real sex that has an arc, and I want to feel the man’s desire for his partner.

So, am I alone in this? Maybe I’m just weird or something.

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