I was having a conversation tonight with a couple of very intelligent, educated, and thoughtful people – L and her friend Marco. A conversation that pissed me the fuck off! Once again, I had to defend the fact that I am not interested in having sex with women. I am so sick of this. This idea that “all” girls are bisexual started when I was college, and is apparently still current.
This guy was trying to tell me that I wasn’t interested in lesbian sex because I’m American. In other words, because I had been culturally conditioned to not want it. Um, no. Actually, my culture tells me that I SHOULD want it, because guess what, guys think two girls together is hot. Even L jumped in and told me, “You’re just saying that because you haven’t had sex with a woman.” (She has). No one says that shit to men: “Oh, well how do you know you don’t like sex with other men unless you try it?” See how ridiculous it sounds when you turn it around? But it’s the standard response to a bi-resistant female like myself.
Guess what, I haven’t had sex with a woman because I am NOT INTERESTED in having sex with a woman. I’m not interested in sex with women because the idea of sucking tits and eating pussy kind of grosses me out. Just like I haven’t had sex with a black guy, or a Chinese guy, or a Mexican guy: because I’m not attracted to them. It’s not like I made up some rule that I can’t have sex with other races or sexes, I’m just not attracted to them. I would love to be attracted to more types of people – it would give me a lot more options. I’m not attracted to fat guys, or stoners, or bros, or pizza-faces, either. And I’m not about to go out and fuck them just to prove how open-minded I am!
So this guy says, “As a man who likes to have sex with women, I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to have sex with women.” I said, “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m a female, and therefore I like dick. Isn’t that a good thing?” His response was, “But I can’t understand it.” I was just kind of dumbstruck and couldn’t think of a really cogent response in the moment. Of course later I realized that what I SHOULD have said is, “Did you ever think that the reason you don’t want to have sex with men is because you’re American?” We’ve all been taught to think of women as beautiful sex objects, but we haven’t been taught to think that way about men. Why? Because, oh yeah, men still have the power in our culture (and every other one on the planet.)
Yes, I am well aware of the studies that confirm that female sexuality is more “fluid” than male sexuality. What they based that conclusion on is the finding that women get wet when shown images of sexual activity between man/woman, woman/woman, even animals having sex; whereas men only get hard when they see images of sex that fit their sexual orientation. However, the other part of the findings was that it was not uncommon for women who lubricated while watching these images to state that they did not “feel” turned on. In other words, their physical reaction was not necessarily matching up to the mental/emotional reaction. As far as I know, no one has been able to satisfactorily explain this phenomenon. One theory is that because women are always subject to being raped, lubrication would at least help to mitigate any physical damage. I don’t know if I buy this, but who knows. I do know that my body doesn’t always seem to be in sync with my brain when in sexual situations.
I am also aware that there is a trend of long-married women divorcing and then becoming lesbians. I strongly suspect that this has a lot to do with the fact that their husbands were assholes. I have been dealing with assholes for a good 20 years now. I WISH I could be a lesbian! Men suck, I don’t understand them, and they don’t understand me. That doesn’t change the fact that I want a big hard dick between my legs, not tits in my face. Men keep insisting on seeing everything from their perspective, and it really makes me angry. It doesn’t make any sense: just because you like it, why does that mean that I should be into it? I’m the OPPOSITE sex, shouldn’t I like the opposite of what you like? Seems pretty damn logical to me, but then again, I’m just an emotional and sexually fluid female.