Update

An update. Last Tuesday Marco finally came down from LA to visit (and fuck) L, and after work I joined them at her place. Interesting guy, although I didn’t find him at all attractive – L likes guys with long hair, which is a total turn-off for me. Her sister came over with a really hot guy, and a friend of hers who was totally shitfaced. She was so drunk she was rolling around on the floor, and just generally being super annoying. I had a few beers and then took off.

On Wednesday I went over to L’s for breakfast, and then later went to work. I started looking at Jacob’s FB photos and got really upset when I saw new ones of him with some girl on a sailboat. Ah, so here is the girlfriend. I was really surprised by how much it bothered me, and then I was annoyed with myself that I got so depressed about it. I went to bar N after work. I must have had a few more than I realized, because after I got home I made a comment on one of Jacob’s FB posts, and didn’t remember doing it. (It wasn’t anything important or interesting, but he “liked” it anyway.)

On Thursday I was at the grocery store and Jacob texted me.  I was completely shocked, and I have to admit that I was also very excited. I didn’t remember commenting on his post, so I thought it was out of the blue. He wanted me to go have wine and cheese with him. God, I would have loved to! But, I told him I had to be at work in a couple of hours (which was true) and he says, “We’ve got time! My treat. ” I said “And don’t’ you have a girlfriend anyway?” He said, “Nope. Been single for a month.  Almost two!” I said “How convenient. Sorry, I’ve got stuff to do before work.” He just said “Ok.” I was really hoping for more begging. The fact that he didn’t made me realize that it wouldn’t be like it was back in January, when he kept bugging me to hang out. That’s kind of disappointing, but I feel less obsessed about him now, which is a Good Thing.  I also didn’t realize until later that my last text sounded so final, like I really shut him down. Now I kind of wish I would’ve added, “Another time maybe,” or something. Oh well, too late now.

I had made plans earlier in the week to go out with Jason on Friday. (And he had also been drunk sexting me.)  On Thursday I texted him to see if we were still on, and he said he had to cancel because he was too busy packing, etc. before his deployment. He said that in a couple of weeks he’d have more time, but it was just “too much” right now. Was he even going to let me know?! Ass.

So instead L and I went to dinner at on Friday. I’d been here before and loved it, but they redid it and now it’s very Miami Beach clubby. Not really what either of us is into. We went next door and had a drink at SB, but we weren’t really feeling it. I really wanted to go to WS because they were having bands and dancing, so we went there. As usual, a bunch of cute guys, but also as usual most of them were with girls. The band was really good and the guitarist was HOT. Skinny little guy, but cute face and cute hair, and wearing the standard hipster plaid shirt that I have to admit I find very sexy. He was also getting really into his performance – that’s always hot. I was having a good time, and this cute guy had been giving me the look, but L was getting a headache. Great.  After the band was finished the dj started playing some really good music, but L wanted to leave. She was driving, so I kind of had to do what she wanted. Why can’t I have just one friend who likes to dance? It’s not fair! They’re girls, they’re supposed to like to dance dammit!

We went to bar H for a bit, but weren’t getting any action so we went to bar TC to finish the night.  Nothing exciting to report, until…as we were leaving L invited Dave over to her place and he said yes. WTF? At least she got what she wanted, but now I’m going to have to hear about him forever. I love L to death, but sometimes she’s like a broken record: “Why is Marco so weird? Why is Dave so hot? Why does he act that way?” Over and over and over. I don’t know the answers! Jesus, stop asking me and get over it! I get obsessed with guys too, but I try not to have verbal diarrhea about it.

Anyway, Saturday I was on FB and saw that someone had tagged Jason on a party bus that afternoon! Are you fucking kidding me? He cancels on me because he’s “too busy packing” but he can spend all afternoon on a fucking party bus getting wasted?!  #$$%^&*!!!! I sent him a text to that effect, and have not had a reply – he’s NEVER ignored me like this before.  It’s so depressing – I thought he was actually a nice guy. It makes me think that they don’t really exist. I’ve kind of given up hope after this whole Jason thing, like maybe the best I can hope for is someone who’s only, oh I don’t know, 50% asshole?

Saturday night I had a catering shift at this condo downtown, and it was done by 10. So there I was, dressed (although not looking especially cute), made up, and downtown. L and C were in for the night, but I wasn’t about to go home. It was Saturday so I figured IH would be open, which it was. Jacob had told me about this place during our first go-round, and I had been in once before very briefly, but I had never really hung out there. (I can’t lie – one of the reasons I like going to bars in his neighborhood is the possibility of running into him. Totally stupid, I know.) It’s a dark, old-school piano bar – perfect. It was pleasantly crowded, with one seat at the end of the bar – also perfect.

I sat down and ordered a gin and tonic. After a few minutes this cute, tall guy comes and stands next to me to order. I had thought he was with girls, but he started chatting with me. Huh. I was tired and out of sorts after my shift, and I didn’t flirt back the way I should have. He went back to his table, and didn’t come back over after that. Sigh. Then I saw this other cute guy giving me the eye. I kind of smiled at him, which I NEVER do – I’m always too chicken. A girl joined him after a while, but he kept looking at me, so maybe they were just friends.  They found seats across the room from me, and he kept periodically looking over.  After a while I needed to pee, and then went to have a smoke. When I came back they were gone. 😦 I wish there were a clearer way to let someone know, “I think you’re cute, come talk to me.” Cuz I am really bad at the whole flirting thing! These not-cute guys at the bar started to talk to me, but they got that I wasn’t interested, thank goodness.

The bar started getting kind of empty around 12:30 or so, so I went to bar N. There weren’t any seats, but Doug was there off-duty, so I hung out with him and his friends. I could tell his friend Frank was really interested in me, and he’s my age, but I don’t find him attractive. As so often with men my age, he looked old to me, lol! Leanne started putting my drinks on Doug’s tab. This is one reason I love this place – now that I’m a regular I get treated like a queen, unlike at bar TC, where I never get a freebie.

Towards closing time this cute guy ordering at the bar gave me a big smile. Um, wow, ok. So I smiled back, but he didn’t come over to say hello or anything. After I went outside he was there on the sidewalk having a smoke. His name is Chris, and it turns out he was the guy with Jacob here a few weeks ago. Lol, I was so wasted that night I didn’t even remember him. I told him that I didn’t remember what I said to them, and he said that I had just kind of dismissed them and left. Whew, at least I didn’t do anything too embarrassing! He asked me why I didn’t like Jacob and I said it was a love-hate relationship. (Which I suppose is a bit of an overstatement in that there isn’t really a relationship, but is still basically true.) He said, “I can see that.” What does that mean? What is Jacob really like? We chatted about some other stuff – nice to have a really cute guy talking to me for more than a minute – and he offered to walk me to my car. Hmm, was he interested? Unfortunately it wasn’t much of a walk. We did the whole nice to meet you, see you around thing and then I left. I can’t help but wonder what he said to Jacob, if anything. I should look up Jacob’s friends on FB and check him out.

Since then I’ve just been working, and it’s been super slow. I am so over this job! I finally started taking action today: I sent my resume to this other restaurant, letting him know that I’m interested in bartending there, even if it’s just fill-in shifts. I would have never had the guts to do that a few years ago. I also started working on a CV to send to Leah at SDMCA. I’m suddenly feeling up to making the effort to get something going.

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