Stressed Out!

First, the car. I need a new transmission, and a new clutch. It’s going to cost somewhere in the $2000 range. And of course I’m completely broke, with a maxed out credit card. Thankfully my parents are going to pay for it, otherwise I’d be completely fucked. Unfortunately this means I won’t get a birthday present this year (my birthday is Wed the 15th).  I’m paying for the rental car on my Amex, which alone is going to run me about $300 – my car won’t even be done at the shop until Thursday! So that whole situation has been and still is very stressful.

I got hired at another restaurant on Thursday, to train behind the bar and as a server. At first I was super stoked, because this place is definitely in a different league than the diner where I work now, and should be better money. They also do a lot of charity work and have partnerships with various nonprofits, including in education and the arts, so one of my thoughts was that it could possibly maybe be a way to make some actual career contacts. I was so happy I even took myself out to lunch to celebrate. But now I’m having second thoughts.  For one thing, I HATE waiting tables! And I haven’t done it in a long time, so I’m pretty sure I’m going to suck – hell, I wasn’t that great of a waitress even when I was doing it full time. My neighbor who works there tells me about nights where he has 10 table sections. Even thinking about that makes me want to vomit. My current job might suck in a lot of ways, but it’s easy, I can do it in my sleep. This new place is going to be a lot more pressure – I’m super stressed about it and I haven’t even started yet.

The other thing is that they want me to work brunches behind the bar – that would mean 9-5 on Saturday and Sunday. I hate getting up in the morning anyway, but the main problem here is that I do catering on Saturdays. I LIKE doing catering. It’s the perfect F&B job for me. It’s what I did for three years at the Hilton. I’m good at it. I don’t know what business is going to be like once wedding season is over, but classes are starting soon and my teaching money will help to cover any downturn. There’s another thing, too – I really like one of the girls who works there, and want to turn her into a friend (lord knows I need more friends!) The bottom line is that I don’t want to give it up.

Then there’s the issue of making the new scheduling work with my current schedule. I’ve been working so much because we’re super short handed – we’ve gone from having 5 bartenders to having 2, me and a new girl, and her schedule is rather restricted. I don’t want to just quit, because like I said, I’m really worried that I won’t be able to cut it at the new place. I haven’t even told anyone I got a new job, but I’ll have to in the next couple of days. Dreading it!

The other thing is just that I’ve been working like crazy. I’ve worked 8 days in a row, and have five to go, counting the Teaching Academy on Wed. and Thurs. I’ll celebrate my birthday a day late, on Thursday night, then I’ll have Friday off, then I have catering on Saturday, and then old work on Sunday, and then some combination of old work and new work, and I have to teach my first class of the semester on Thursday, and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m already so worn out I want to cry, and there’s just no end in sight. Also, all this working makes it difficult to move forward with any career-oriented plans, which is what I really need to work on. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions, and it’s starting to get to me. On top of all this, I’m really depressed about Jacob. I know that I shouldn’t be, but that knowledge just makes me feel worse. I know I’m going to crack soon, the only question is how and when.

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