Growing Up?

Well, at the advanced age of 38 years, I think I’m finally ready to grow up. I went out and partied Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. On Sunday I drank literally all day. I had planned on getting a whole bunch of stuff done that day, but I was super hungover after staying at L’s house drinking beer until 4 in the morning on Saturday night. So on Sunday I managed to haul my ass out of bed at around noon. My neighbors started barbecuing, and I thought, “I still feel really crappy. Maybe just a couple of light beers for some hair of the dog.” Yeah right. It turned into an epic drinking/cigarette binge, and on Monday I woke up with a massive hangover.

I can’t live my life hungover half the time, it’s just fucking stupid! I end up not getting anything done, I’m in danger of gaining back the weight I’ve worked so hard to lose, and I’m not even close to conjuring up a new career. So yesterday when I woke up with said massive hangover I decided that this week I will not buy any more cigarettes, and will not be going out, and will instead be getting up at a semi-normal hour and actually getting some work done. About an hour later I looked at my phone and saw that I had a voicemail. It was my department head – I don’t have a class next semester due to budget cuts. So now the job search becomes more urgent. Yep, it’s time to actually make this happen.

It’s kind of weird how everything seems to have come to a head in the past few weeks.  I spent the past year partying my ass off because, well, I think I kind of needed to. Ending a 5 1/2 year relationship is a big deal, no matter how ready I was for it to be over. Then  a few months later I got fired from a well-paying job that I’d had for 3 years. Hell, I’d be surprised if I hadn’t gone a little crazy.

Then over the summer the drinking and the sleeping around got really intense. I was pretty much sick of it by the time the Jacob incident occurred, and then that killed it as far as men were concerned. Yeah, I still want the attention, but not enough to go out and get it. I kept saying yes to going out because it was a habit of very long standing, plain and simple, and I didn’t have anything to replace it with. (I still don’t, but I’ll figure it out.) Then this whole drunken Sunday happened, which really killed the partying urge. Then I find out I have to find a new job before next semester. Hmm, convenient. I mean, I’m definitely anxious about the job thing, but I finally feel ready to do something about it. I’m not sure what exactly, but I actually want to buckle down and figure it out now, which I still didn’t a few months ago. Could it be that I’m finally – finally – growing up?

(I did have two beers with L tonight, but that was after staying in all day, working out, making my own healthy food, and actually getting some shit done. So that’s ok!)


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