New Year’s Eve

I worked at my lame ass bar job on NYE. I had a few people in during the night, but at midnight it was me myself and I in the bar. Probably the worst NYE midnight I’ve ever had. A few minutes before 12, I texted Nate: “Happy New Year, babe! Wish I was there to steal a kiss. ;)” He texted back immediately: “Me too! Maybe a lil later? I’m at a house in PB, taking a cab later. Kiss now!” I sent back “Mwah!”

C was out with a friend of hers in her neighborhood, and so I said fuck it, I am getting out of here! There’s no one in here and I’m not wasting what’s left of this night. I made it to the bar where my girls were at around 1:00, and they were hanging out with two cute guys, Brad and Hunter. They were all pretty wrecked. C wanted to move the party back to her place, so I drove everyone over there.  As usual, the guys didn’t believe how old we were – they were in their late 20s. C put on some Joy Division, and one of them was like, “What kind of hipster music is this?” We kind of laughed, and told them this music was older than any hipster, that the hipsters were just copying. Then we put on some KMFDM, and they kept it up with the hipster comments. We just kind of rolled our eyes.  At one point something, I can’t remember what, prompted Brad to pull down his pants and show us his dick. I saw the top couple of inches and couldn’t bring myself to look after that. I was sober and he wasn’t, and it just didn’t seem right. Besides, I could tell it was nothing compared to Nate. 😉

They kept playing country and rap (and not the good stuff in either genre) and we were like, “Turn that crap off!” Then Brad got on an oldies kick. WTF, lol? He was really drunk, and kept dancing with both of us, twirling us around. At one point he was dancing behind me and started kind of nuzzling my neck. He was really cute, and I’ve always liked the kinda crazy ones (10 years ago I would’ve been all over this guy), but I just couldn’t bring myself to play the slut this time. Not entirely sure why, but the fact that I was mostly sober probably had a lot to do with it. The other reason was that I kept thinking I was going to hook up with Nate. No fewer than 4 (!) times he texted me that he had a cab, and then it turned out that he didn’t – they weren’t showing up.  Aah, I was so frustrated! I haven’t seen him in forever, and I actually really miss him. For the sex, but also just for himself. He texted me at 10:30 the next morning that he had just gotten home, poor thing.

At one point I was outside smoking with Hunter and the conversation turned to my love life, or lack thereof. What is going on with me discussing this with random guys lately? Anyway, he’s like, “You’re gorgeous, you can have any guy you want.” I said, “Yeah, for sex, but not anything else!” I tried to explain that decent men anywhere near my age are few and far between, because most are married with kids. He’s like, “You have to put yourself out there” and of course I said, “I am!” to which he replied, “No, not at the bars” and I said, “Well where then, the fucking grocery store?” I need to just record one of these conversations and then hit “play” whenever I get into this territory again, because it’s the same old shit over and over again.

At around 4:30 the guys decided they were tired and went home. I guess they finally gave up on getting any. There was no exchange of numbers. C was confused. She couldn’t tell if they were hitting on us or who was interested in who.  We had a guy ask both of us out a few weeks ago, and I think we’re starting to feel a little interchangeable or something. I was like, “Well, I thought both of them were cute. And if we had really wanted to hook up I don’t think there would have been a problem. They just weren’t pushing that hard. Maybe they’re actually decent guys?” Who knows. They’re male, therefore a complete mystery.

I left at 5:30 am, went home, and slept all day. I started my period Monday night, so I’ve been extra tired, and all I’ve been doing is sleeping. My period didn’t used to be that bad, but for about the past 6 months it’s been absolutely horrible: terrible cramps, headaches, insomnia, but the major problem is extreme fatigue. I mean I am nonfunctional for about 48 hours every month. I simply do not have time for that bullshit! So I think I’m going to Planned Parenthood soon and get a year’s worth of birth control so I can just take it continuously. The idea kind of freaks me out, but I know lots of women do it with no problems, and I can’t take this anymore. I have to do something.

Anyway, off that tangent. Tonight Lori asked me if I had heard from “dickhead.” She meant KC. I said no, and she was surprised. I said, “I know, it’s really weird. Usually you get a drunk text or something in these situations. It makes me think he got back together with his girl.” She’s like, “Or he was cheating on her, just having a fling.” Wow, that’s an ugly thought for a number of reasons. For one thing, if it’s true, that would be the second time in four months that I’ve unknowingly been the other woman. Not what I aspire to, and of course it also makes me feel pretty stupid. My gut reaction is to say no, that’s not what was going on. Because if it was, then he really worked it – created a whole back story, kept it consistent, etc. I mean, he had mentioned his “ex-girlfriend” within 10 minutes of meeting me, before we even started flirting. So if that is the case, then that is really fucking scary, that people can be that horrible. The thing is, I know that it happens.

The other thing that freaks me out about the idea is that it means that he is a complete and utter piece of shit. Lower than shit. The scary part about that is that I felt like he was actually a good guy, and I kind of fell for him. I’ve realized the past week or so that I actually miss him, after only knowing him for a few weeks. So if he was cheating, that means that I am only attracted to complete scumbags: he would be the third one since August – James, Jacob, and now KC. Um, yay me!! What the hell is the matter with me? I fall for the wastoid idiot with a DUI, who can’t even take me anywhere, but I feel nothing for the handsome, stable adult man with the Audi? I should just give up, but I can’t. Ugh, somebody shoot me.

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