Day of the Penis

So last Saturday there was an art show all about penises. Well! You know I’m going to go see THAT. I went with C, since L blew me off. It was a very small show, and not that exciting, honestly. But there was a guy walking around in just a trenchcoat and nothing else. He was carrying a picture frame, so, you know, you could take a proper picture of his junk. I thought about doing this, but chickened out. I sent Nate a text that I was at an art show about penises, but that “they got nothin on you, babe!” Which was true. He sent back that I made his night. 🙂

We went next door to a wine bar and had some food, then walked a few blocks to this craft cocktail bar. There was a line to get in (to a bar?!) and the guy behind us in line started chatting with us. He was a bit older but quite attractive. We ordered, and he started talking to us again. He said – and I swear this is how he said it, because C heard it, too – “Would you guys like to go out sometime?” I looked at him and said, “Both of us?” Then I looked at her and said, “Oh my god it’s happening again,” since back in December this guy really DID ask both of us out, and then wondered why we got pissed off. So oldie-but-cutie said something but I couldn’t understand him, and I said, “Are you asking both of us out right now?” He looks at me and says “No offense, I’m just more into the blond thing.” Well okey-dokey, asshole! I turned around to the bar and sipped my drink, rather annoyed. He took off after a minute, and C said she told him she was seeing someone. So that was a fine start to the evening. We moved away from the bar and ended up standing in front of this big mirror; not the best place for action, but at least out of the way of the traffic. Some other random dude made some innocuous comment, but that was the only action we got in that bar. We ended up sitting on a bench and just talking between ourselves.

Being a craft cocktail place, it was rather expensive, so we just had two rounds and then left. On the way back to my car, there was another bar. Popular and packed. We managed to get drinks, and then C went to the bathroom. It was taking her so long that I texted her I was going to go smoke. Not much room on the patio, either, so I ended up just standing next to the table closest to the doorway.

C made it out there, and this very cute guy started talking to us. He said, “I’ll make you a bet, that I’m older than you.” At stake was a drink. Being the very attractive older ladies that we are, we told him we’d take that bet. He said he was 34 (he did look much younger) but of course we were able to trump that with 37 and 38. Hah! Told ya, sucka! Things went rapidly downhill from there. I have no idea why, but he started showing us pics of him having sex with various girls. Now I obviously am not that repressed when it comes to sex and penii, but I have to admit I was kind of shocked, and very uncomfortable. Why in god’s name would a guy do this?! He didn’t seem to understand why we weren’t impressed. Then he says, “So what’s the horniest you guys have ever been?” I wish someone would have been filming, because our reaction was just to turn and look at one another, completely at a loss. If I would have been watching this happen to someone else, I think I would’ve laughed my ass off. What is wrong with this dude?!

Thankfully, and completely out of the blue, Joe from trivia showed up. WTF!!! I haven’t written about him yet, so here’s the deal: I play trivia every week with C and her brother and sister-in-law. We’re pretty good, and made it to the semi-finals, which were held this past January. Joe was the host for the tournament, and I was immediately drawn to him. He’s got that cute nerdy possibly Jewish thing going on, which for whatever reason I just adore. He also has a degree in English, and a sweet smile. A little short, but I was wearing a small heel and he seemed to be my height, so I can deal. We talked a bit that night, as he was impressed with my answer to one of the questions. After that he started hosting our regular weekly trivia sessions. I had to miss the first session back after the finals, and the next week when I showed up, he’s like, “There she is!” He also remembered several details I had told him about myself – mind you, we had only met once before this. He’s come over to chat with our table a couple of times since then, and I always got the feeling like he was looking at me a lot more than anyone else. So last week when we were leaving trivia I waved bye to him and then did the look back / smile / hair flip move – and he was still smiling at me!

So now he shows up at a bar that we never go to, and it turns out that he never goes there either. His dad was visiting, and so they were staying at a downtown hotel and ended up at this bar. Ok but that is just weird! He immediately offered to buy me a drink, which I accepted. We all talked for few minutes outside, weirdo sex guy came through on the bet and brought me a drink, and then C, Joe and I went inside to hang out in a relatively quiet spot (I don’t know where his dad was). We mostly just talked about random stuff, and there wasn’t any real flirting going on. I don’t think so anyway – I was getting a little tipsy by this point. The lights came on and I still had my bet drink, so Joe helped me with it.

He left, and C and I went outside. I decided to have a smoke and watch the shit show. This really drunk girl asked to bum a smoke and started talking to us. She was going on about how some dude had kept hitting on her all night, but she wasn’t having it because she had “pussy power”! So then the guy she was telling us about comes over to talk to her and she keeps talking about pussy power, and high-fiving us. So then she tells the guy, “Well maybe I’ll hook up with you, let us see what we’re working with.” So he unzips and pulls out his dick right there on the sidewalk! Nothing impressive, and she’s like, “We don’t want any of that, do we girls?” Oh lord. We just kind of laughed and walked back to my car, saying what the fuck is up with this night!

The penis tally for the evening: 2 live ones, and a whole bunch of pictures. Well my goal had been to see some cock. Be careful what you wish for!


One thought on “Day of the Penis

  1. Pingback: Is He Too Young for Me? | truthaboutjen

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