Last night I went to my usual Tuesday trivia. We placed third, which I am totally ok with. I usual feel a little flirtatious vibe from Joe, the trivia host, but not last night – I thought maybe he had figured out I liked him and was trying to send me the message that he wasn’t interested. But who knows. C’s sister-in-law Leslie knows that I like him, and so we were trying to decide how old he is. Word on the street was that he’s 24. Of course he is, because why would I like someone age-appropriate? That would just be too easy now wouldn’t it?! Leslie is 8 years older than her husband (C’s brother), and she was saying how she had always felt that men her own age were too old for her. I totally get this, because I usually feel the same way – it’s not just about looks, it’s about attitude, a certain energy, and mine apparently puts me about 10 years younger than my actual age. She also pointed out that Joe seems much more mature than his years. This is very true – I would have guessed he was more like 30. However, 14 years is a BIG difference, and I was not happy about this revelation.
But you know me, I tend to follow my heart, logic be damned! I was also hoping against hope that the word on the street was wrong, and that Joe was in his late 20s or something. So after trivia was over, C and I walked out to our cars and kind of lingered, just talking. We saw Joe come out with a few other guys and start loading all the trivia stuff into someone’s car. They were between the two of us and C’s car, so she says, “Wanna walk me to my car?” We sauntered slowly past them, but I couldn’t work up the nerve to say anything – my guy shyness is at its worst when there are other people around. So we ended up standing by her car, trying to decide if we should go out, and if so, where.
After a few minutes, Joe pulled up and asked if anything was wrong. Aww, what a sweetie! We said no, we were just trying to decide what to do after this. C says, “So you want to come have a drink with us?” Bless her, because I was feeling completely tongue-tied, and also not sure if I wanted to keep this flirtation going or not. We ended up deciding to go to bar N, which he had never been to.
We sat in a booth, me in the middle, and ordered drinks. And then Jacob walked in. I said, “Oh shit” kind of under my breath and Joe looked at me; I said “Nothing, I’ll tell you later.” Great, so now I’m distracted. At least I wasn’t by myself this time! We both just ignored each other, which was difficult when I had to walk past him to go to the bathroom. After he finally left at the end of the night, I put my head in my hands for just a moment and said, “Oh thank god!” and let out a deep breath. I gave Joe the super-short version of the Jacob story: I had dated him briefly, he turned out to be a psycho, it ended very badly.
So anyway, during the course of the evening we all talked about various and sundry, and had three rounds. C asked him, and yes he is 24. Goddamit!! Oh well. We both said that he didn’t seem that young, and he said that he’d heard that many times. Somewhere along the way he alluded to the fact that C and I were both very attractive, and cool, but he wasn’t flirting with me, and I started thinking maybe he was interested in C. At one point I purposely mentioned that I was 36 when my ex and I broke up, but I don’t know if he heard me – C said that she didn’t.
We all walked to C’s car, and then he walked me to mine. Hmm, maybe something will happen? But it didn’t. L has been in crisis the past couple of days, so I sat in my car and smoked a cig while I texted her. Then Joe pulled up next to me. Well well well. He said he had gotten turned around and taken the wrong way. Uh huh. I got out of my car, and we talked for a while. He asked for my number (!) and I gave it to him. Jokingly, he said, “Well you know, I might call you, I might not…” with a shrug and a smile. I smiled and rolled my eyes and said, “Oh ok” or something equally intelligent.
He drove off and I texted C and L to tell them of this new development. I called C when I got home, and we talked about my reservations. She basically said that he seems so much more mature than his age, he’s such a nice guy, just take it really slow, if it looks like it might go somewhere have the big talk. So I guess that’s what I’m going to do.
It’s so disappointing, though! I hadn’t had a crush on anyone in a while, this had real promise, and now there is a serious wrench in the works. 24 years old! Christ he’s barely out of college! I may feel like I’m in my mid-twenties, but when I actually look back at those times it feels like a million years ago. I know I’m getting way ahead of myself here, but let’s say it does go somewhere, what happens 5 years from now he wants to have a kid? And while I do look damn good for 38, I am starting to age – I now have a few small creases around my mouth (yuck!), and it’s only going to get worse. I mean, when I’m 50 he’ll be 36 – an old lady with a young man in his prime. Not a pretty picture. I also don’t want to make trivia awkward for anyone, so that’s another consideration.
So like I said, I know I’m getting ahead of myself thinking like this, but do I even want to start down this road at all? Why can’t Nate want me? At least he’s only 8 years younger, lol, and I already have feelings for him. AARGH! I think the universe is laughing at me.