An FB friend posted a very cool article about why men call women crazy. (Web address below). It so totally rang true. I have had guys call me “crazy” many times. Mind you, I was not in any way angry, or losing my shit, or yelling, or stalking them, or anything that might remotely be called crazy. I was simply trying to have a rational conversation about whatever was going on between the two of us. I am definitely not a “let’s talk about it” kind of gal. I hate any kind of confrontation or difficult conversation, so if this kind of subject got brought up, it probably wasn’t even my idea. But whatever direction the conversation took apparently made these guys uncomfortable. When I tried to protest their categorization of me as “crazy,” or “irrational,” or “too emotional,” often their counterargument was something along the lines of “but you’re so crazy you don’t even see that you’re crazy.” Huh? There really isn’t a way to argue against something like that.
I’m not trying to say that I am the most Zen, calm, rational person in the world, but I am very self-aware. I’m actually extremely self-conscious, which I suppose could be argued is its own form of crazy. However, I never yell, and rarely raise my voice. I have a very strong filter and think before I speak. I don’t invade others’ personal space, because I like my own. I have never vandalized anyone’s belongings. I am a totally wimpy, non-violent person, and have never punched or hit anyone. I have fought physically with my sister, many many years ago, but she’s my sister and she started it, dammit! I have had a guy try to strangle me over a balcony railing, because he didn’t like the fact that I am pro-choice, but I was only a passive victim in that scenario. (Pretty damned crazy on his part, in my opinion.) I suppose that at certain points I could say that I have been slightly “clingy,” but only because the guy involved seemed to think so. I didn’t think I was clingy at alI – I generally don’t even WANT to talk to someone every day, much less every hour, or whatever relationship crime I was accused of committing.
This article made me feel very vindicated. It was written by a guy who admits that he has used this tactic to discredit women who have done or said things he didn’t like, because they were simply inconvenient to him. He further acknowledges that it has hurt his relationships with women, because it basically shuts down any further conversation about whatever is going on. Because once you call someone crazy, the onus is no longer on you to prove that they ARE crazy, but on them to prove that they’re not, which is basically impossible. He even points out that there is a long history of men calling women “crazy” whenever they don’t like or understand our behavior.
He further points out that the “crazy” argument reinforces the whole virgin / whore dichotomy: either you’re completely innocent and submissive or a wild bitch on wheels. This, of course, is ridiculous. Every woman is both and neither – she is a human being, with her own individual and complex thoughts, emotions, and desires.
It is absolutely infuriating to try have a rational conversation with a man, only to have him tell you that you are “acting crazy.” You know what, once you tell me I’m being crazy, it makes me so angry that I feel like I AM crazy! It makes me doubt myself, my thoughts, my emotions, everything. I have had moments during these “crazy” conversations where I physically felt dizzy, because I literally felt that the rug was being pulled out from under me. I felt like I was living in some unreal parallel universe. I knew that I wasn’t insane, but this person that I like and want to please is telling me that I am. So what am I supposed to do? There is no defense once a man calls you crazy, other than to acquiesce or to leave. He therefore wins by default.
And men are by no means always rational. They like to claim that they are, but I beg to differ. You only want me because you can’t have me? Because we had really great fun sex I’m suddenly a lowly whore and you’re the stud who “conquered” me? You want the girl that treats you badly, while ignoring the woman that truly cares about you? Oh yeah, sounds totally logical to me. Women of course have their own versions of this kind of irrationality, but the difference is that we don’t have the option of calling guys “crazy.” Nope.
When they work so hard to fuck us, succeed, and then ignore us, make promises that are never kept, stand us up, cheat on their partners with us, blame us because we don’t have multiple orgasms, criticize us because we have a gag reflex, get annoyed when we’re on our period, tell us we wear too much clothing or too little, and on and on and on – it’s just standard male behavior that we have to put up with.
I call bullshit.
If only more men could become as self-aware as Mr. O’Malley, and realize how destructive some of their behavior toward women truly is.
m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4259779 “On Labeling Women Crazy” by Harris O’Malley, 11-12-13