The Dating Game

When it rains it pours. Until it doesn’t. The past few months have been really stressful – just a lot of little things going wrong, and I got sick with some crud that lingered for almost three weeks. After Jordan broke up with me there was no action on the dating front. Nate is back (!) and we had sex on New Year’s Eve (I haven’t gotten laid since, and am starting to get pretty damned cranky.) So nothing much was happening, until…

Bachelor #1, Charlie: A few Saturdays ago I was out with my friend Lynn at bar TC. For whatever reason I was having a really happy buzz and we were having a really great, silly, fun time. This guy Leland that she’s been hanging out with was there, absolutely wasted, which we were both annoyed about. She basically told the bartender to close him out, we both ordered a cider, and then went outside to smoke. While we were out there, the bouncer kicked out Leland, saying, “Don’t come back in here dude, you’re too fuckin’ weird!” Poor Leland, but that’s kind of hilarious. We attempted to talk to his drunk ass for a minute and then sent him on his way.

We went back into the bar, and there was only one beer in our spot. Lynn says, “That motherfucker drank my beer?! Are you kidding me?!” Then the bartender came over and said that no, Leland didn’t drink the beer, he poured it all over the check he was supposed to be closing out. So of course we sat there laughing about how crazy Leland is, and the guy next to me started talking to us about it. His name is Charlie, he’s 33 and a bartender, and he’s really cute. We kept talking, and the two of us hit it off. The three of us went outside to smoke a cig at closing time, and Lynn, bless her, is like, “Ok, I’m taking off.” So then it was just me and Charlie. He asked me if I was watching the football game the next day. I told him that I had a brunch meetup, but no plans after that. He told me where he was going to watch the game, and to swing by if I wanted to. Yay! The first good thing to happen in months!

So I met him at this bar around 4:00 and we hung out and watched the game. We had a good conversation, but he wasn’t really flirting with me or anything. I texted Lynn, “I can’t tell if he’s into me or not,” and she said, “Well he was into you last night, I’m sure it’s fine.” Apparently she was right, because when the game was over he looks at me and says, “What now?” like he still wanted to hang out. We ended up deciding to meet later for dinner at bar TC. Long story short, I had a really great time with him. He’s smart and funny and cute, and we seem to have a lot in common. Still no flirting though, so that was throwing me off. We’d been there for a few hours and it was getting late, so I was like, “Well I guess I should go” and he just said, “Oh” like he was disappointed. He walked me to my car and we were smoking a cigarette, and he starts kind of hemming and hawing – yes, we had reached the awkward point of the evening. So I said, “Well I had a really great time…” and he agreed, and asked me when I was free again. I told him I was busy until Friday, which was true. We decided to just do dinner and a movie at his place. I gave him a hug goodbye, and as I was pulling away I kissed him. Well. This was the best kiss I’ve had in a LONG time: slow, soft, sensual, but not sloppy. It was at this moment that I noticed he has perfect lips. After a bit of this I started to turn away to get in my car, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back for one more. Yowza! I tried not to get too excited or read too much into anything, but this was one of the best dates I’ve ever had.

Bachelor #2, Jim: I’m a member of an atheist meetup, and one of the first meetups I ever went to (over a year ago) was a talk given by this particular group. It was a panel discussion, and the moderator was this guy Jim. A little older, but handsome and funny and wearing cute glasses. Older guys are NOT my thing, but I thought he was quite attractive. A few months later I went to a get together at this guy W’s house as part of the same meetup group. Jim was there and we talked a bit, but nothing happened, other than that I left my favorite jacket there. On the Tuesday after my Sunday date with Charlie, I went to a networking meetup that is part of the same atheist group. Jim was talking to my career coach, and as I said my hellos to her, I looked at him and said, “Wait a minute, I know you.” It took me a minute to figure it out – “Oh yeah, W’s house!” So we started chatting, I brought up that I’d left my jacket at this guy’s house, and we kept chatting until the meetup actually got started. Everybody did their thing, introducing themselves and yada yada, and then it was more freeform. I was going to play trivia that night and needed to leave early. As I was walking to the door, Jim jumps up from where he was sitting on the floor talking to someone. He was like, “It was so nice to see you again,” and offered to talk to W about my jacket, so I gave him my email. As I was walking to my car, I was thinking, “Was that guy flirting with me? I think he was flirting with me!” The next day he sent me an email, saying what a delightful person I was, and he’d like to get together sometime, and various other complimentary things. Wow! Gentlemen, this is how it’s done! I replied that yes that would be lovely, and gave him my number.

That same day (Wednesday) I got a text from my catering job asking if I could work on Friday night – the night I was supposed to go out with Charlie. I’m broke, so I had to take the shift. At 7:45 PM I texted him asking if we could reschedule for Saturday or Sunday, but never heard anything. I texted him on Thursday night: “Call me crazy, but I’m starting to feel like I’m being stood up. I really hope that’s not the case. Please let me know either way.” Very polite, but actually I was furious!

Bachelor #3, Marcus: I’m trying to finally get my butt in gear about finding a new job/career, and had several appointments with a career coach in December. As part of my coaching plan, I’ve started going to a lot of meetups, just to meet new people and expand my social circle. One of these meetups was a dive bar meetup, and I went to their Thursday night event. (Yes, this all happened in less than a week!) I actually went to an art gallery meetup right before this, and was late and a little buzzed by the time I got to the bar. I ended up mostly talking with the organizer, who was super cool and in the career field I’m interested in. I got introduced to this guy Marcus, who was moderately cute in a nerdy way, and we talked a little bit. We were in the back room, and every once in a while I’d go out to the front patio to smoke. There was this interesting guy visiting from Canada who I got to talking to, and so I kept ping ponging back and forth between the two areas. During one of my smoke breaks just about all of the meetup group left, except Marcus. So I ended up hanging out with him for a while, and both of us got a little hammered. So when he offered me a ride home (I had taken Lyft there) I said yes. We made it to my place safely, and kissed a bit in the car, and I gave him my number.

On Friday Charlie FINALLY called me, saying, “You remember when people used to actually call each other?” He apologized for not getting back to me, and said that sometimes he just gets in this mood where he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Oh great. One of those guys. In any case, he said rescheduling was fine and we decided on Saturday. Later that night I was texting Lynn about all this and she’s like, “Are you still coming to my birthday party on Saturday?” FUUUCK! I had totally forgotten that I’d RSVP’d yes to this one morning when I was still in bed and hung over. And she’s pretty much my best friend right now so I’d feel bad if I didn’t go. At the same time, I didn’t want to cancel on Charlie again. I decided I could do both, since her thing didn’t start until 9:30.  We’d have dinner at his place, and then I’d ask him to come with me to her party.

So I went over to his apartment on Saturday night and he made me dinner and we watched a really long movie. Everything went fine, but still no flirting. At one point he told me that he sometimes has really bad bouts of social anxiety and doesn’t even want to leave the house. Well fucking great, I sure know how to pick ’em! During the movie I kind of scooted closer and leaned my leg on his, but he didn’t respond in any way. Christ I felt like I was back in high school awkwardness or something. After the movie we went to Lynn’s party. Lynn and her friend Corinne were at one end of the table, and I didn’t know anyone else, so we sat down by them. This guy was sitting between me and Lynn, and when he got up I scooted over next to her, thinking Charlie would scoot close to me. He didn’t, and when the guy came back he sat in the space between us. Ok, this is weird. I looked over at Charlie and mouthed “I’m sorry!” After a while a few of us decided to go back to bar TC. Charlie was driving, so he really didn’t drink much at all, but I guess I started getting pretty tipsy, which was NOT my plan for the night. So we’re at the other bar, and at one point while he was in the bathroom I started bitching about his lack of flirtation. I mean it seriously felt like I was dealing with a brick wall – the guy was giving me no signals whatsoever, and I was starting to feel a little stupid. Lynn was like, “Fuck him, he’s boring!” He’s actually not, but he was also the only sober one in the group, lol!

We drove back to his place and he walked to me car, and I was drunk enough that I started asking him about his apparent lack of interest. He said that he wanted to take things really slow, and that we barely knew each other. This is true, but damn, dude, you gotta give me something! At some point I mentioned the kiss, and he agreed it was amazing. I said, “Really?” and he’s like, “Well yeah! That’s why I pulled you back, I actually kind of scared myself by doing that.” So that’s interesting, but otherwise I was still feeling rejected and stupid, and just left it at “Well if you want to hang out let me know.” After I got home I sent him a couple of texts trying to explain that I don’t chase guys, that it was nice but also confusing to meet someone who doesn’t just want to get in my pants, and how important being a good kisser is. No response until the next day: “I’m sorry…My phone does this ‘do not disturb’ mode after 2:30. Sadly, I just woke up.” I said that I had just woken up too, haha. And no response. Why the fuck did you even text me back if you had nothing to say?! I was pretty upset about the whole situation: I finally find someone I feel like there’s chemistry with, and he just jerks me around like every other guy out there.

Well, Jim and I made a date for that Thursday for dinner at a Thai place in his neighborhood. We ended up talking for four hours. He continued to compliment me, which was nice. I figured out that he’s around 51. That wouldn’t faze a lot of women my age, but it’s a big deal for me. He and I were both going to a bonfire meetup on Friday, so we hung out quite a bit that night as well. I left a little early to go out with Lynn, and he walked me to my car and said, “I don’t know how it’s possible, but every time I see you you get better looking.” Wow. He was doing a podcast on Saturday and invited me to the after-party, which most of the core members of the meetup were going to attend. We hung out a little bit, but I wanted to meet some other people and so circulated quite a bit. I left around 12:15 because I wanted to see who was at bar TC. Sad, I know, but as much as I enjoy his company, I just can’t quite see myself having sex with him. (Whereas Charlie had already become my daily masturbation material.) Of course, we never did kiss. He should have been more forceful… In any case, I think he got the message, because I haven’t heard from him since.

I’ve had two dates with Marcus. The first one was short and sweet, and went pretty well once we got started discussing our favorite sci-fi shows. Then he took me to dinner at a really nice place this past Thursday, and I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling it. He has all these dietary restrictions, which is just annoying and not very manly. He’s younger than I am, but is all like, “Yeah I don’t really go out that much anymore, trying to tone it down,” etc. etc. I totally get that, but between that and the diet thing I feel like he’s an old man or something. Just loosen up and have fun for chrissake! And he’s kind of short and has a weird walk. The kiss was ok until he started using tongue, and then it just got awkward for some reason. Sigh. Of course it did.

I ran into Charlie last night at bar TC. He was sitting by himself at one of the tables, and I walked over and asked, “How did the interview go?” He said, “Sit.” Ok, yes sir! So we sat there and drank our drinks and talked about random stuff until closing time, with no flirting, and no mention of the last time we saw each other. We went outside and had a cigarette, and finally I said, “Look I’m really sorry about the other night. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He’s like, “Don’t worry about it, you were a little intoxicated.” At one point I said, “It was really good to see you,” and he looked right at me and said, with emphasis, “It was really good to see you too. I can actually have a conversation of substance with you, not just talk about the weather or something stupid.” Ok, well that’s good I guess. As we were taking our leave, I said, “Well let me know if you want to hang out sometime,” and he’s like, “Well I’m always available to hang out, too,” or something like that. Dang it I wish I could remember exactly what it was, but I suppose it doesn’t matter anyway.

What the hell is wrong with me?? I can’t, simply can’t, be attracted to the smart, fun, nice, attractive man who apparently is quite taken with me? Or the slightly dorky but smart and seemingly sweet guy who wants to take me out to nice dinners? No of course not, because that would make life easy, now wouldn’t it? No no, I only want to fuck the anxiety-prone weirdo who isn’t interested. AARGH, somebody just shoot me!


A Breaking Point

Well I am feeling extremely crappy today. I woke up feeling like shit, and actually called out of work. This is the fourth time in three months that I’ve been sick! Just when I decide I’m ready to buckle down and be productive, I’m barely functional. My throat was a little scratchy last night, but I thought it was nothing. Of course the cold damp weather and a few cigarettes didn’t help, and I did end up getting kind of stressed out last night. This is the background as to why I got upset:

Every Tuesday night I go play live trivia with C and her brother and sister-in-law. Last week C and I went out bar hopping afterwards, but were unable to find any real action and decided to call it a night. I decided to hit up bar TC on my way home, for one drink. While I sipped my White Russian, this guy who’s a regular started chatting with me and asked me if I’d lost weight. I said, uh, no, but thanks? When the bar was closing I went outside to smoke, and ran into Joe and Mike, two brothers who are also regulars. They ended up inviting me to go to some chick’s house who was having an afterparty. It ended up just being the three of us, their friend, and the hostess, who I will call Lynn. She introduced herself, shook my hand, and said, “I love you already.” Er… ok, great. I hung out over there for several hours, as Lynn and I did hit it off. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up sometime.

On Saturday I worked at the bar, and had plans to go to a thing right after. John, this guy I met at bar H the Sunday before, texted me to come meet him there again. I told him I was at work, but we agreed to meet up some other time. I also heard from Matt – apparently I left my jewelry at their apartment. He asked me if I was doing anything later, and I told him about the Meetup thing but said maybe later. Jesus, guys, you ever hear of making plans in advance? I’m just supposed to drop everything and come hang out with you? Sorry, I’m not going to be that girl anymore.

Anyway, by the time I got to the bar where the meetup was, it was so packed I didn’t know how to find anyone – I’d never met anyone in the group before. There wasn’t really a proper bar in this place, just tables. I stood there feeling like an idiot for a few minutes, decided to abort the mission, and finished my beer ASAP.  I was in C’s neighborhood, so we decided to check out this new bar that was right across the street from where I was. While we were there I got a text from Lynn asking if I was going to bar TC later. I said I wasn’t sure, and then tried to text her later but my phone freaked out and wouldn’t text her number! Great, now she thinks I’m blowing her off. Fucking phone!

C and I went next door to this Irish / karaoke bar we like, bar OS. This guy that she likes was hanging out with her friend’s brother and his girlfriend at another bar, and she tried to get all of them to come down there. Of course the dude she’s into didn’t come, but the brother and his girlfriend did. The brother apparently thinks I’m hot. Of course he does, since he is definitely NOT.

At one point I saw this tall, good-looking, age-appropriate guy go out to the smoking patio, and I kinda followed him. I walked down close to where he and his friend were hanging out and lit up. This big dude, apparently an acquaintance of theirs, started talking to me, and then eventually hot dude’s friend (his name is Eric) did too. Hot boy was giving me a few looks but he didn’t really say much. I ran into them a couple more times on the smoking patio, and ended up giving Eric my Facebook info. I started getting the idea that Eric was kind of into me. Uh oh. I was truly enjoying our conversation, but was – of course! – not attracted to him. He went to go sing, and hot boy and I finally got to talk. It went quite well! After a while we all went inside, and Eric and I both went to the bar to get a drink. I wanted to let him know I wasn’t interested in him without being a jerk, and asked if his friend was single. I felt bad about it, and I suppose this wasn’t the best approach, since he seemed kind of standoffish the rest of the night. I can’t say I blame him – this has happened to me countless times with C, and it doesn’t exactly make you feel good. In any case, he said that yes his friend was single. We were all talking on the sidewalk after the bar closed, and hot boy asked for my number. I gave it to him, although thinking it highly unlikely he would call me if it would piss off his friend.

This was the 5th number I’d given out in three weeks. Crazy! First was Jeremy, a one night stand I met at bar WS. He’s the only guy I’ve had sex with, other than Nate, since December. He actually did text me a week later asking if I’d like to meet up sometime. I said yes, and then of course never heard from him again. Then there was trivia host Joe. Have yet to hear from him. Then there were Matt and John, who I had heard from that very night, but in a very casual fashion. And now there was this guy. Whew!

During the past few weeks I have also found out about several ugly dudes who have a thing for me: C’s friend’s brother (fat and ugly), this guy who plays trivia with us sometimes (old and Asian), my neighbor Miles’s friend (white trash alcoholic with missing teeth and a mountain man beard), and my other neighbor (chunky, and with a girlish voice and a beard). These are the men who are attracted to me. I should just give up now.

So this is where my head was at last night when I went out for trivia. My original plan was to go straight home afterwards – after two weeks of partying it was time to get some shit done this week. I decided I’d stop at bar TC for one drink on my way home, and promptly ran into L‘s sister. Fuck!! This chick doesn’t like me, or L’s boyfriend JW, and immediately launched into him, trying to get me to badmouth him, too. I gave some noncommittal answers until my drink arrived, and then I escaped outside to smoke. I decided I’d call up Lynn, partly to escape this bitch, partly because I wanted to tell her that I didn’t really blow her off the other night. Luckily she was game and came right over.

So she and I moved to where there were two seats and started having a nice conversation. This guy came over and started talking to Lynn. Apparently she had been at the bar earlier and he had started talking to her then. He was just my type – cute nerdy guy with glasses – but I couldn’t tell if she was into him or not. We were talking about birthdays, and it turns out I am exactly one year older than he is, weird! At one point they got up, I thought to go smoke, and I was joining them. I walked out the door a few seconds after they did, and they were nowhere to be found. Um, ok…? Then they walked out from behind a corner of the building. What the hell? I found out later that they had had a little make out session. Oh goody, now I’m suddenly the third wheel.

I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was sitting in my seat. Ok awkward. I was kind of pissed. He was obviously not interested in talking to me, and even though Lynn was there to hang out with me, he just kept monopolizing her. I felt like he was being pretty rude, and I could tell she didn’t really know what to do. I no longer had a seat, so I sucked down the rest of my drink and closed my tab. Lynn kept apologizing to me, but I just said, “Don’t worry about it, these things happen.” I had to reassure her several times that I do still want to hang out, which I do – you can never have too many girlfriends!

But somehow the whole incident set me off. She just broke up with her boyfriend six weeks ago, I’m way cuter than she is (I’m sorry but I am!), I work so hard to stay in shape, and somehow she’s the one hooking up with the cute age-appropriate engineer? WTF!!! I know that it might not mean anything or work out, and I already think the guy’s kinda rude, but still!! It’s just not right, dammit! When I came home I knew I couldn’t sleep, and just paced around. I kept stewing over everything – I’ve been single for a year and a half, the only guys that like me are total chuds, I’m getting too old to have a family, I’m almost 40 and have nothing, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me so why am I still alone, etc. etc. I got really upset, to the point that I ended up sitting on the toilet and having a little cry. I think I was getting more and more upset with these stupid guys over the past few weeks, but just holding it all in, because it seemed silly to get upset over people I didn’t even know. But it’s just too much, all the rejection of the past year and a half, and this little incident pushed me over the edge.

And now I’m sick as a dog. Awesome.

Let’s Get Weird

Last Friday I went out with my friend D. She’s technically my supervisor at work, and only 26, but she’s super smart smart and cool, and we hang out on a semi-regular basis. I hadn’t been planning on going out, but she wanted to go out and didn’t have anyone to go with, so I generously decided to sacrifice myself to the party gods. Rich, one of the other bartenders at my work, kept bugging her to come have a drink at the restaurant while he was working, so the plan was to have one drink with him and then go somewhere else. (D and Rich have been having a FWB kind of thing going for a couple of months, and it has apparently not gone all that smoothly.)

We get there and Rich’s childhood friend and current roommate, Matt, is there already, a little tipsy. Quite good-looking, and fun to boot. D told me that he’s in finance and makes good money. Interesting, but I didn’t get the feeling that he was into me or anything. We talked, smoked a few cigarettes, D and Matt had a couple of drinks. I had one round because I was driving.  The plan ended up changing to waiting for Rich to get off work and we would all go out. It took Rich forever to close but we finally made it out at around 12:30, saying “Let’s get weird!.”

I decided to go out in an area kind of close to the restaurant, since I normally don’t go out over there because it’s kind of far to drive. So we went to this one bar that I’d been to a couple of times. Matt was already pretty drunk and silly. We made our way to the dance floor, Matt kicked off his shoes, and started dancing all crazy. A circle formed around him, and suddenly there was a dance battle! At the bar for 10 minutes and we’d already met the goal of getting weird, hell yeah! I was out there shakin’ it, and after a while Matt came over and tried to dance with me. I say tried, because the boy was already too drunk to keep up, lol! D ended up talking to some cute real estate guy and giving him her number.

After the bar closed, I had planned on just driving the boys back to the restaurant and then taking D home. I didn’t realize that Rich doesn’t drive, and Matt was way too fucked up, so I ended up having to take them to their place. I was not happy about this. D was pretty tipsy, and wanted to stay and hang out with the boys – they all kept talking about getting in the jacuzzi. Hot tubs aren’t really my thing, but I figured I might as well at least stay and hang out for a bit, since I was already there.

We went into the apartment and hadd just cracked open some beers when the door opened, bumping D in the ass. I was thinking, “Oh, do they have another roommate?” Nope, it was these two guys who couldn’t find their friend’s apartment, lol! One of them was carrying a case of Bud, and gave us all one. His name was Roman, and he wanted to stay and hang out with us, but his friend kept bugging him to leave. They left, and we just kept cracking up about how kooky the whole night was becoming.

D had told me earlier about how insane Matt’s body was, and how she had seen him in a “paper suit” and that it gave him great butt cleavage. So of course she bugs him about it until he goes and puts on the paper suit again.Turns out a paper suit is like a speedo, only smaller. Much smaller. Matt was a competitive swimmer back in the day, and apparently beat Michael Phelps a few times. I have to admit that’s kind of impressive.  And yes Matt has a killer body, and no I could not resist smacking his gorgeous tight little bottom! He kept complaining about how uncomfortable the suit was, but he still kept dancing around in it. Good grief.

We were all hanging out on the patio smoking, when D calls out, “Roman!” Roman walks right over and puts the beers over the wall of the patio and climbs over. We all start cracking up, while his friend is like, “Dude! That’s still not the right place, that’s where we were before!” They still hadn’t found their friend’s apartment, the dumbasses!

After a while D starts trying to talk me into getting in the hot tub. Like i said, it’s not really my thing, but I didn’t want to be a party pooper, so did a quick check to make sure I had on decent-looking undies. Gray and black striped cotton bikinis and my favorite blue and white bra that gives me great cleavage. Hmm, I won’t match, but at least I’m not wearing anything embarrassing, so I said ok. We all went and got in the hot tub, D and myself in our bra and panties, and D starts talking to Matt about how pretty I am. Oh lord. This turned into calls to check out my butt, so I finally rolled my eyes, stood up and wiggled my booty a little bit. I could hear Matt say something like, “Damn, that ass won’t quit!” Matt hadn’t really been flirting with me or anything, but after this his attention seemed riveted on me. D was pretty drunk, and decided to take her bra off. So then of course she tried to get me to do the same, saying, “Nothing to be ashamed of.” Now I am not ashamed of my breasts at all, but I was relatively sober, and these were guys I might have to see again. I mean, Rich is my coworker for chrissake! And I thought Matt was really cute and fun, and a possible dating partner, which meant he needed to be kept at bay for the moment. D kept egging Matt on, asking him if he wanted to see my boobs. Of course he said yes, and just kept staring at them. Good grief. I wanted to retain a little bit of class and so I just said, “Nope, sorry, not happening.”

Matt kept checking me out, looking at my body under the clear water, muttering “body that won’t quit…” I was flattered, but also very conscious that he was quite drunk – I’m not fat or anything, but “body that won’t quit”? I don’t know about all that!

Anyway, we all went back to the apartment after a while. I told Matt “I’m using your bathroom” and went in and changed back into my clothes, sans undies. D was still in a towel. We were all out on the patio, and Rich asked D to come to his room. I hung out with Matt, just talking, wondering if D was staying the night with Rich or what – it was really late and I was ready to go home. I had to be at work at noon the next day and wanted to get some sleep, so staying over with Matt was NOT on the agenda. He kept apologizing for being so drunk, and I finally just hugged him, telling him it was ok. And it was – as drunk as he was, he was still being fun and sweet. Predictably, the hug turned into a kiss. I am not a saint, and he is hot! But he was kissing me with like, pursed hard lips, which is weird – usually when people are drunk they’re sloppy kissers. I finally said, “Open your mouth” and then it was all good. 😉 We sat down on the couch and kissed a little more, and at one point he looked at me and said it again: “body that won’t quit.” If only I could get a boyfriend who really thought this…

I was enjoying myself, but the whole time I was wondering what the hell was going on with D: I could hear voices from Rich’s room, and the tone was not good. Was she staying? Were they fighting? Should I just leave her there?

Finally I decided I had to go home. I told Matt that I couldn’t stay, and asked if he wanted my number. He said hell yes, so I texted it to him, and then briefly knocked on Rich’s door and said, “Hey I’m leaving.” D immediately poked her head out and said “I’ll be out in one minute.” Uh oh. This did not bode well. On the way out to the car she told me that Rich had stopped, literally in the middle of fucking her, and said, “This doesn’t feel right.” D was understandably extremely upset, and went off on him. My personal feeling is that he thought that she wanted a boyfriend and was feeling guilty about the whole thing. Which is ok I guess, but you don’t stop right in the middle of fucking her! That’s just insulting. I mean really, what were you thinking, dude?!

Tangent: This is why FWB situations can be dicey, you gotta have that talk right off the bat and be completely open with each other, or it’s apt to go off the rails. Based on what she’s told me, I don’t think D was trying to make Rich into a relationship, but if he wanted it I know she would have gone there. Just because we’re willing to go there doesn’t mean we’re going to try to push it there, however. For example, Nate set the boundaries with us in the very beginning, and although I have developed feelings for him over the past year (because we actually have stuff in common and I like him as a person, not just because of the sex) I recognize that he does not want a relationship, and I honor that. It’s becoming more difficult for me to be detached, and I’m not sure how long our relationship can continue in its present form, but it’s been a good year, of occasional sex and companionship with someone who I know cares about me.  It’s been enough to keep me sane in my singlehood, and to stave off the desperation to be with someone, anyone.

Conclusion: The next day when I was working at the restaurant I decided to text Matt and ask how he was feeling. I wouldn’t normally do this, but my logic was that he might feel a little silly about being so drunk – he’d kept apologizing the night before – and maybe not get in touch because of it. And I definitely wanted him to get in touch. He was cute, fun, has an amazing body, and seemed smart and sweet.  So I texted him. He immediately texted me back, and we had a brief little convo. His car was still parked at the restaurant, and I told him to come say hi when he came to pick it up. Maybe that was overkill, but whatever. I didn’t hear from him all afternoon, and then got a text from him at around 7:15 asking if I was still at work. I told him I was on my way out, and he was like, “Oh shit! I just grabbed my car and didn’t see you in there.” I said, “Well I work in the bar silly.” (The bar is in the back of the building.) He said, “Why was I thinking you were a server? I guess I just wanted to picture you in that stylish outfit they wear haha.” (The servers wear old school diner uniforms – skirt, apron, and a little white hat.) I sent back “Naughty naughty boy,” and that was it. At first I was hopeful, due to the speed with which he responded to my initial text, but now I doubt I’ll hear from him, if for no other reason than because of possible D/Rich drama. Since he is Rich’s roommate and I’m a good friend of D’s, if they can’t work out their shit I suppose it could make the two of us seeing each other a little awkward. Possible drama, weighed against a girl he kissed one drunken night and probably barely remembers… Yeah I probably wouldn’t go there either. Sigh. Another one bites the dust.

Is He Too Young for Me?

Last night I went to my usual Tuesday trivia. We placed third, which I am totally ok with. I usual feel a little flirtatious vibe from Joe, the trivia host, but not last night – I thought maybe he had figured out I liked him and was trying to send me the message that he wasn’t interested. But who knows. C’s sister-in-law Leslie knows that I like him, and so we were trying to decide how old he is. Word on the street was that he’s 24. Of course he is, because why would I like someone age-appropriate? That would just be too easy now wouldn’t it?! Leslie is 8 years older than her husband (C’s brother), and she was saying how she had always felt that men her own age were too old for her. I totally get this, because I usually feel the same way – it’s not just about looks, it’s about attitude, a certain energy, and mine apparently puts me about 10 years younger than my actual age. She also pointed out that Joe seems much more mature than his years. This is very true – I would have guessed he was more like 30. However, 14 years is a BIG difference, and I was not happy about this revelation.

But you know me, I tend to follow my heart, logic be damned! I was also hoping against hope that the word on the street was wrong, and that Joe was in his late 20s or something. So after trivia was over, C and I walked out to our cars and kind of lingered, just talking. We saw Joe come out with a few other guys and start loading all the trivia stuff into someone’s car. They were between the two of us and C’s car, so she says, “Wanna walk me to my car?” We sauntered slowly past them, but I couldn’t work up the nerve to say anything – my guy shyness is at its worst when there are other people around. So we ended up standing by her car, trying to decide if we should go out, and if so, where.

After a few minutes, Joe pulled up and asked if anything was wrong. Aww, what a sweetie! We said no, we were just trying to decide what to do after this. C says, “So you want to come have a drink with us?” Bless her, because I was feeling completely tongue-tied, and also not sure if I wanted to keep this flirtation going or not. We ended up deciding to go to bar N, which he had never been to.

We sat in a booth, me in the middle, and ordered drinks. And then Jacob walked in. I said, “Oh shit” kind of under my breath and Joe looked at me; I said “Nothing, I’ll tell you later.” Great, so now I’m distracted. At least I wasn’t by myself this time! We both just ignored each other, which was difficult when I had to walk past him to go to the bathroom. After he finally left at the end of the night, I put my head in my hands for just a moment and said, “Oh thank god!” and let out a deep breath. I gave Joe the super-short version of the Jacob story: I had dated him briefly, he turned out to be a psycho, it ended very badly.

So anyway, during the course of the evening we all talked about various and sundry, and had three rounds. C asked him, and yes he is 24. Goddamit!! Oh well. We both said that he didn’t seem that young, and he said that he’d heard that many times. Somewhere along the way he alluded to the fact that C and I were both very attractive, and cool, but he wasn’t flirting with me, and I started thinking maybe he was interested in C. At one point I purposely mentioned that I was 36 when my ex and I broke up, but I don’t know if he heard me – C said that she didn’t.

We all walked to C’s car, and then he walked me to mine. Hmm, maybe something will happen? But it didn’t. L has been in crisis the past couple of days, so I sat in my car and smoked a cig while I texted her. Then Joe pulled up next to me. Well well well. He said he had gotten turned around and taken the wrong way. Uh huh. I got out of my car, and we talked for a while. He asked for my number (!) and I gave it to him. Jokingly, he said, “Well you know, I might call you, I  might not…” with a shrug and a smile. I smiled and rolled my eyes and said, “Oh ok” or something equally intelligent.

He drove off and I texted C and L to tell them of this new development. I called C when I got home, and we talked about my reservations. She basically said that he seems so much more mature than his age, he’s such a nice guy, just take it really slow, if it looks like it might go somewhere have the big talk. So I guess that’s what I’m going to do.

It’s so disappointing, though! I hadn’t had a crush on anyone in a while, this had real promise, and now there is a serious wrench in the works. 24 years old! Christ he’s barely out of college! I may feel like I’m in my mid-twenties, but when I actually look back at those times it feels like a million years ago. I know I’m getting way ahead of myself here, but let’s say it does go somewhere, what happens 5 years from now he wants to have a kid? And while I do look damn good for 38, I am starting to age – I now have a few small creases around my mouth (yuck!), and it’s only going to get worse. I mean, when I’m 50 he’ll be 36 – an old lady with a young man in his prime. Not a pretty picture. I also don’t want to make trivia awkward for anyone, so that’s another consideration.

So like I said, I know I’m getting ahead of myself thinking like this, but do I even want to start down this road at all? Why can’t Nate want me? At least he’s only 8 years younger, lol, and I already have feelings for him. AARGH! I think the universe is laughing at me.

Day of the Penis

So last Saturday there was an art show all about penises. Well! You know I’m going to go see THAT. I went with C, since L blew me off. It was a very small show, and not that exciting, honestly. But there was a guy walking around in just a trenchcoat and nothing else. He was carrying a picture frame, so, you know, you could take a proper picture of his junk. I thought about doing this, but chickened out. I sent Nate a text that I was at an art show about penises, but that “they got nothin on you, babe!” Which was true. He sent back that I made his night. 🙂

We went next door to a wine bar and had some food, then walked a few blocks to this craft cocktail bar. There was a line to get in (to a bar?!) and the guy behind us in line started chatting with us. He was a bit older but quite attractive. We ordered, and he started talking to us again. He said – and I swear this is how he said it, because C heard it, too – “Would you guys like to go out sometime?” I looked at him and said, “Both of us?” Then I looked at her and said, “Oh my god it’s happening again,” since back in December this guy really DID ask both of us out, and then wondered why we got pissed off. So oldie-but-cutie said something but I couldn’t understand him, and I said, “Are you asking both of us out right now?” He looks at me and says “No offense, I’m just more into the blond thing.” Well okey-dokey, asshole! I turned around to the bar and sipped my drink, rather annoyed. He took off after a minute, and C said she told him she was seeing someone. So that was a fine start to the evening. We moved away from the bar and ended up standing in front of this big mirror; not the best place for action, but at least out of the way of the traffic. Some other random dude made some innocuous comment, but that was the only action we got in that bar. We ended up sitting on a bench and just talking between ourselves.

Being a craft cocktail place, it was rather expensive, so we just had two rounds and then left. On the way back to my car, there was another bar. Popular and packed. We managed to get drinks, and then C went to the bathroom. It was taking her so long that I texted her I was going to go smoke. Not much room on the patio, either, so I ended up just standing next to the table closest to the doorway.

C made it out there, and this very cute guy started talking to us. He said, “I’ll make you a bet, that I’m older than you.” At stake was a drink. Being the very attractive older ladies that we are, we told him we’d take that bet. He said he was 34 (he did look much younger) but of course we were able to trump that with 37 and 38. Hah! Told ya, sucka! Things went rapidly downhill from there. I have no idea why, but he started showing us pics of him having sex with various girls. Now I obviously am not that repressed when it comes to sex and penii, but I have to admit I was kind of shocked, and very uncomfortable. Why in god’s name would a guy do this?! He didn’t seem to understand why we weren’t impressed. Then he says, “So what’s the horniest you guys have ever been?” I wish someone would have been filming, because our reaction was just to turn and look at one another, completely at a loss. If I would have been watching this happen to someone else, I think I would’ve laughed my ass off. What is wrong with this dude?!

Thankfully, and completely out of the blue, Joe from trivia showed up. WTF!!! I haven’t written about him yet, so here’s the deal: I play trivia every week with C and her brother and sister-in-law. We’re pretty good, and made it to the semi-finals, which were held this past January. Joe was the host for the tournament, and I was immediately drawn to him. He’s got that cute nerdy possibly Jewish thing going on, which for whatever reason I just adore. He also has a degree in English, and a sweet smile. A little short, but I was wearing a small heel and he seemed to be my height, so I can deal. We talked a bit that night, as he was impressed with my answer to one of the questions. After that he started hosting our regular weekly trivia sessions. I had to miss the first session back after the finals, and the next week when I showed up, he’s like, “There she is!” He also remembered several details I had told him about myself – mind you, we had only met once before this. He’s come over to chat with our table a couple of times since then, and I always got the feeling like he was looking at me a lot more than anyone else. So last week when we were leaving trivia I waved bye to him and then did the look back / smile / hair flip move – and he was still smiling at me!

So now he shows up at a bar that we never go to, and it turns out that he never goes there either. His dad was visiting, and so they were staying at a downtown hotel and ended up at this bar. Ok but that is just weird! He immediately offered to buy me a drink, which I accepted. We all talked for few minutes outside, weirdo sex guy came through on the bet and brought me a drink, and then C, Joe and I went inside to hang out in a relatively quiet spot (I don’t know where his dad was). We mostly just talked about random stuff, and there wasn’t any real flirting going on. I don’t think so anyway – I was getting a little tipsy by this point. The lights came on and I still had my bet drink, so Joe helped me with it.

He left, and C and I went outside. I decided to have a smoke and watch the shit show. This really drunk girl asked to bum a smoke and started talking to us. She was going on about how some dude had kept hitting on her all night, but she wasn’t having it because she had “pussy power”! So then the guy she was telling us about comes over to talk to her and she keeps talking about pussy power, and high-fiving us. So then she tells the guy, “Well maybe I’ll hook up with you, let us see what we’re working with.” So he unzips and pulls out his dick right there on the sidewalk! Nothing impressive, and she’s like, “We don’t want any of that, do we girls?” Oh lord. We just kind of laughed and walked back to my car, saying what the fuck is up with this night!

The penis tally for the evening: 2 live ones, and a whole bunch of pictures. Well my goal had been to see some cock. Be careful what you wish for!


Sunday was an interesting day. I was pretty hung over from Saturday night, so I slept way late. Nate and I had made plans to hook up at around 4:00, but he said he wanted to see me earlier, that he’d been thinking about “touching that sexy body and kissing that beautiful face” all day. Well alrighty then! I put on a cute sexy outfit (a tight skirt with tall socks and boots, his favorite), makeup, the whole deal; I like doing that for him. I was still getting ready when he texted me he was on his way. What?! He never comes to my place, which at this point was a wreck! But he was there before I knew it, so whatever. We had an awesome time, as usual, although he went back to using the condoms, dammit. (He’d just gotten tested, and I haven’t been in a while. Can’t say I blame him, smart boy.) He kept going on about how sexy I was; he usually does a bit of this, but this time he wouldn’t shut up about it! Not that I’m complaining, it was just kind of odd. There were also several revelations:

1. He went down on me, finally! And wow he’s good at it, thank heavens. It had been sooo long – most of the guys here are really selfish. I asked him later why today was the day, and he said he has to know a girl for awhile. Um, ok. I can only imagine the grief I would get from guys if I tried to use this excuse. It took a year, but at least we’re here now.

2. I asked him how many other fuck buddies he has, and he said he has one. I said, “Yeah, I used to have another one, too, but…I don’t know, meh.” (This would be K, the architect, who I haven’t seen since last spring.) He said that’s kind of how he feels about this girl. He said that she just wanted the dick right away, that it was just him fucking her. He told me he liked that we had “sexual adventures” together. I told him that I liked him telling me what to do. It actually doesn’t really bother me that he has another partner – at least I’m #1, lol! If I knew he was lying and that I’m actually #2, then yeah I would feel pretty stupid. He could be totally bullshitting me, but I shall choose to live in contented ignorance.

3. He’s planning on moving back to Iowa within 6 months. He told me this a few months ago, and then said he wasn’t going. Now I guess it’s back on. I can’t deny that this makes me sad, this has been one of the longest and best relationships I’ve ever had, lol!

4. He thinks I’m getting hit on constantly, and therefore constantly getting busy. Er, no. He said, “Well I met you on a one night stand, you can’t blame me for assuming.” Hmm, that opens up a window into the male mind. Now this does kind of bother me. I definitely had my crazy phases during the past year, which I chalk up to (1) being let out of the cage of a 5 ½ year relationship and (2) finally realizing that I am a very attractive woman. I defy anyone who feels newly sexually powerful to not use it! I’m pretty much over all that stuff now, though; other than KC (who I was ridiculously and stupidly into), I haven’t slept with anyone besides Nate in the last several months.  I’m ready to settle down again, as long as the relationship stays fun and sexy.

5. He admitted he’d thought about dating me. We actually had time to cuddle and talk for a little while (it started raining – nice), which we usually don’t, and the subject came up. It at least made me feel like slightly less of an idiot, since I’ve thought about him in that way many times.

I made it pretty clear that I would have been down for a relationship. He said he knew that I would have, but it wouldn’t have been fair to me since he was so unsettled about what he was going to do. I suppose that’s true, and I told him that I have always appreciated his honesty with me. He never made me any promises; far from it. I would rather have honesty than to constantly be let down, which is what’s happened with 99.9% of the guys I’ve dated.  But it also makes me feel kind of like, “Damn! Maybe I could’ve turned this into something if I’d made my interest clearer early on.” That’s probably not true, and in any case I didn’t want to lose what we DID have, didn’t want to scare him away, so I kept quiet.

I ended up at club T later on Sunday night, and texted him that I wished he were there to “put his hand up my skirt in public.” I didn’t really expect to hear back from him, but he texted back quickly, saying that that definitely sounded like fun and to let him know if I was going to be up late. Really? He wants to see me twice in one day? It turned out that he was stuck at work until after 2:00am, so we didn’t. 😦

He texted me again yesterday to hang out, but I was sick. Sick again, godammit, I just got well two weeks ago! You know, I never hear from him this often. I know I shouldn’t make too much of it, but it is odd. I halfway expected that our little talk would freak him out and that I wouldn’t hear from him for a while, but apparently not.

To continue Sunday’s narrative: After Nate left for work I heard from L. She and JW were at my work hanging out, mistakenly thinking that I worked on Sundays. They were already drunk, as usual. While I was freshening up to go meet them, she texted me saying they had gotten in a huge fight. Great! I came out and picked them up, then drove back to L’s place, the two of them arguing all the way.  Well this day was certainly going downhill fast! I go from having great sex and some cuddles with a guy I really like to being caught in the middle of a fight. I was going to just drop them off, but L really wanted me to come in. I’m nothing if not a good friend, so I did, groaning inside. They tabled the hostilities, and I eventually told L that she was going to have to let it go, which she agreed to. JW kept pouring us shots of Jameson, damn him! I wasn’t planning to get smashed, but if there’s a shot just sitting there I admit it’s hard for me to say no. I was having a good time, but after a while they started getting frisky and so I excused myself.

Club T was on my way home, and I decided to stop in and have one drink – I was dressed really cute, after all. 😉  I nursed my drink, and texted with my friend C and with Nate. I also sang along with the piano player – apparently I was a little more toasted than I realized. After he was finished he came over and said hi. We’d never spoken before. He’s in his 40s, but still kind of hot – slim, tats, cute clothes – he looks like a rock star, just with a few wrinkles around the eyes. We ended up talking for quite a while. At some point I went to go have a smoke and fell in with another group of people, one of whom was this amazingly hot guy I’d seen there before. I thought maybe he was interested, but at some point he just disappeared; probably a booty call or something. Oh well, he’s too young anyway. I ended the night with Piano Man saying he would come see me at my work the next day, since he works in the area on Mondays.

He actually showed up, holy cow! We had a really good conversation. He’s smart, and we have a lot in common. But he left without asking for my number; he just said “Sunday night, right?” as he was leaving, and I said “Probably.” Hmm, weird. He’s older, and he has a daughter, maybe he’s just more circumspect about these things? Wants to talk to me a little more before he decides to ask me out? I’m not used to not being jumped on immediately. I came across his profile on Match earlier today, hee hee. I wonder if he’s seen me on there before.

New Year’s Eve

I worked at my lame ass bar job on NYE. I had a few people in during the night, but at midnight it was me myself and I in the bar. Probably the worst NYE midnight I’ve ever had. A few minutes before 12, I texted Nate: “Happy New Year, babe! Wish I was there to steal a kiss. ;)” He texted back immediately: “Me too! Maybe a lil later? I’m at a house in PB, taking a cab later. Kiss now!” I sent back “Mwah!”

C was out with a friend of hers in her neighborhood, and so I said fuck it, I am getting out of here! There’s no one in here and I’m not wasting what’s left of this night. I made it to the bar where my girls were at around 1:00, and they were hanging out with two cute guys, Brad and Hunter. They were all pretty wrecked. C wanted to move the party back to her place, so I drove everyone over there.  As usual, the guys didn’t believe how old we were – they were in their late 20s. C put on some Joy Division, and one of them was like, “What kind of hipster music is this?” We kind of laughed, and told them this music was older than any hipster, that the hipsters were just copying. Then we put on some KMFDM, and they kept it up with the hipster comments. We just kind of rolled our eyes.  At one point something, I can’t remember what, prompted Brad to pull down his pants and show us his dick. I saw the top couple of inches and couldn’t bring myself to look after that. I was sober and he wasn’t, and it just didn’t seem right. Besides, I could tell it was nothing compared to Nate. 😉

They kept playing country and rap (and not the good stuff in either genre) and we were like, “Turn that crap off!” Then Brad got on an oldies kick. WTF, lol? He was really drunk, and kept dancing with both of us, twirling us around. At one point he was dancing behind me and started kind of nuzzling my neck. He was really cute, and I’ve always liked the kinda crazy ones (10 years ago I would’ve been all over this guy), but I just couldn’t bring myself to play the slut this time. Not entirely sure why, but the fact that I was mostly sober probably had a lot to do with it. The other reason was that I kept thinking I was going to hook up with Nate. No fewer than 4 (!) times he texted me that he had a cab, and then it turned out that he didn’t – they weren’t showing up.  Aah, I was so frustrated! I haven’t seen him in forever, and I actually really miss him. For the sex, but also just for himself. He texted me at 10:30 the next morning that he had just gotten home, poor thing.

At one point I was outside smoking with Hunter and the conversation turned to my love life, or lack thereof. What is going on with me discussing this with random guys lately? Anyway, he’s like, “You’re gorgeous, you can have any guy you want.” I said, “Yeah, for sex, but not anything else!” I tried to explain that decent men anywhere near my age are few and far between, because most are married with kids. He’s like, “You have to put yourself out there” and of course I said, “I am!” to which he replied, “No, not at the bars” and I said, “Well where then, the fucking grocery store?” I need to just record one of these conversations and then hit “play” whenever I get into this territory again, because it’s the same old shit over and over again.

At around 4:30 the guys decided they were tired and went home. I guess they finally gave up on getting any. There was no exchange of numbers. C was confused. She couldn’t tell if they were hitting on us or who was interested in who.  We had a guy ask both of us out a few weeks ago, and I think we’re starting to feel a little interchangeable or something. I was like, “Well, I thought both of them were cute. And if we had really wanted to hook up I don’t think there would have been a problem. They just weren’t pushing that hard. Maybe they’re actually decent guys?” Who knows. They’re male, therefore a complete mystery.

I left at 5:30 am, went home, and slept all day. I started my period Monday night, so I’ve been extra tired, and all I’ve been doing is sleeping. My period didn’t used to be that bad, but for about the past 6 months it’s been absolutely horrible: terrible cramps, headaches, insomnia, but the major problem is extreme fatigue. I mean I am nonfunctional for about 48 hours every month. I simply do not have time for that bullshit! So I think I’m going to Planned Parenthood soon and get a year’s worth of birth control so I can just take it continuously. The idea kind of freaks me out, but I know lots of women do it with no problems, and I can’t take this anymore. I have to do something.

Anyway, off that tangent. Tonight Lori asked me if I had heard from “dickhead.” She meant KC. I said no, and she was surprised. I said, “I know, it’s really weird. Usually you get a drunk text or something in these situations. It makes me think he got back together with his girl.” She’s like, “Or he was cheating on her, just having a fling.” Wow, that’s an ugly thought for a number of reasons. For one thing, if it’s true, that would be the second time in four months that I’ve unknowingly been the other woman. Not what I aspire to, and of course it also makes me feel pretty stupid. My gut reaction is to say no, that’s not what was going on. Because if it was, then he really worked it – created a whole back story, kept it consistent, etc. I mean, he had mentioned his “ex-girlfriend” within 10 minutes of meeting me, before we even started flirting. So if that is the case, then that is really fucking scary, that people can be that horrible. The thing is, I know that it happens.

The other thing that freaks me out about the idea is that it means that he is a complete and utter piece of shit. Lower than shit. The scary part about that is that I felt like he was actually a good guy, and I kind of fell for him. I’ve realized the past week or so that I actually miss him, after only knowing him for a few weeks. So if he was cheating, that means that I am only attracted to complete scumbags: he would be the third one since August – James, Jacob, and now KC. Um, yay me!! What the hell is the matter with me? I fall for the wastoid idiot with a DUI, who can’t even take me anywhere, but I feel nothing for the handsome, stable adult man with the Audi? I should just give up, but I can’t. Ugh, somebody shoot me.